k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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