Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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