Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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