I'm laying in your front yard are you home
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
