I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just gargled with NyQuil
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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