Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
