Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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