I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
false alarm, still single
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
