there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
