You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize