Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
