I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
