I wish I could punch you in the face.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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