you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
