The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
