Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize