If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
