I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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