so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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