She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
