I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
