when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
