There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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