My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
