I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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