i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
