u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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