Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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