idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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