take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
