Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
