Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize