whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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