watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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