What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think weed is turning my hair brown
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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