Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
