it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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