Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
