remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize