Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
