Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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