i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
