This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
