You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
