ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
worst night to have a conscience
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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