Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
