If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
