Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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