wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
