I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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