Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
