Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This baby is an asshole
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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