i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
