I cockslap morals
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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