He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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