She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
