i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
