Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
