I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
