WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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