I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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