An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
