I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Come share oat with me in your robe
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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