you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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