He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize