I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
