she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
