thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
