I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
