drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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