I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got chris browned last night
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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