i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
