She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
