the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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