there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
