my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
