And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
