i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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