Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
