I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
