Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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