I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
