So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
