I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
