so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She told me I should be a condom model.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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