Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
