worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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