Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
