I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
