Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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