my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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