Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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