No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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