rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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