You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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