Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
