WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
