You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize