Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
