I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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