I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Liz is crying about burritos again.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
