garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
