don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
