May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
