Pants 0. Shit 1.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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