The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
