i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You are the jesus of drinking
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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