I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
