When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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