You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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