I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Duck Duck Cougar?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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